In my last essay, I said that God is the source of morality, and although that’s still true, I want to add a clause.  God is the source of morality, and freedom is the heart.  Only free beings can be moral. 

 

Sometimes, when I’m not at my best, I can see another person as a bunch of It characteristics, like skin color, class and clothes, or I can see him for his use-value to me.  I see him as It… but then he looks at me and I suddenly find myself eye-to-eye with a free being who has a power of judgment over me.  Roger Scruton says it’s like “the world of objects were perforated by apertures, from each of which a subject peers, and through each of which we glimpse the transcendental province of another’s will.” (from An Intelligent Person’s Guide to Philosophy).

 

When our eyes meet, he is Thou.  I think of the day laborers in the Home Depot parking lot who look at me and I avoid their eyes because that would open me to their humanity and their need for work (I don't have any work to give them).  Their gaze judges me; they are free men with a power of judgment over me, and in my heart it hurts because I believe they judge me for what I have and they lack; so I don't look.  I feel a different judgment from the men who do the manual labor in houses and yards in my California suburb: they have work and they don't need anything from me, so I make eye contact and we nod at each other; our mutual gaze is of free men giving the other his due respect.

 

These men are Thou, just like you and me.  We are all free beings with a power of judgment over each other.  You have a power of judgment over me, and by looking at me, you remind me of my responsibilities to you; and I have the same power over you.  Freedom, responsibility and judgment are all bound together inseparable.  And it’s good.  Judgment is good because when you judge me, you recognize me as a person of freedom, as Thou.  Your judgment gives me great honor. 

 

Moral judgment assumes freedom: you can’t judge me good or bad unless you assume that I have the freedom to choose my actions and that I’m responsible for them; and because I’m free, I care intensely about your judgment of me.  Compare dogs: we don't judge a dog as if he was a free being with moral responsibility, and we don’t care much about the dog's moral judgment of us because the dog isn't a person. 

 

Roger Scruton says, “Only the person who (freely) decides can take a part in moral dialogue, and only he can relate to others as persons do -- not drifting beside them, but engaging with them in his feelings, as one self-conscious being engages with another.”  Roger Scruton is right: we people participate in a moral dialogue.  We have expectations and we make demands of each other, and we have feelings for each other, and we’re constantly negotiating what all this means.

 

Think of the words, “I’m sorry.”  These are powerful words.  When I say, “I’m sorry,” I show you that I recognize that I did wrong, that I’m responsible for it, and that I should’ve done better.  I open myself to you and I pray that your feelings for me have love and forgiveness in them.  An honest “I’m sorry” bridges separation and heals wounds.  I remember carrying a grudge against a close family member for years.  In my heart, I nursed and loved that grudge, it was my BFF, right up until the wrongdoer said a heartfelt sorry.  Then that grudge, that author of countless angry loops in my head-- it evaporated.  Gone.  I almost felt cheated that I gave up my grudge so easily. 

 

Why did I give up my beloved grudge?  Because the “I’m sorry” equation has two sides.  On one side, the person giving the sorry takes responsibility for what he did, he accepts judgment and offers his true regret, and on the other side, the receiving person responds in love and forgiveness.  I had to say sorry during Covid.  When the panic started, I negotiated with my wife and daughters a limited circle of people with whom I was permitted contact.  My dear friend, Mr.A, wasn’t on the list of “clean people,” and I was morally wrong for letting that happen.  After I got vaccinated, I went to Mr.A and I told him the truth, I was wrong, and I’m sorry.  My friend, in his freedom, could have judged me harshly and I deserved all of his harsh judgment, but instead, he forgave me.  My friend felt the pain of my regret, and we both felt the happiness of his forgiveness.